We say August 15, 2012 is the day things changed. Suddenly everything was clear. We were married again, just a few weeks after our first anniversary. And, just like a baptism, we were married that August day by immersion - immersion into the absurd, the rediculous, the unexpected, the uncertainty, and the need. All good things after all, it seems. This man I had married had chosen me and married me when all my chest held were flat, reaching, scars ... all that remained after the removal 7 years earlier of that which made me (I had supposed) a desirable woman wife.
Two days prior, I had entered the hospital for a two day stay to undergo the LD flap procedure of breast reconstructive surgery. Mind you, this was the sixth surgery of a 14 month quest for breasts. I had been weary and scared and disappointed and frustrated but all the while eternally grateful for life and hope and love.
Anyway, that was on a Monday. Once awake after my surgery, I watched him sleep in the hospital room beside me. Missed him during the short times he was away from my room. Tuesday came and we planned a hospital room date for later in the afternoon/early evening. But then, the bleeding was odd. Too much? Am I bleeding internally? Take my blood pressure! Check my oxygen level! I don't seem to be able to swallow! Is that a normal side effect of anything my body is going through?? I saw tears in his eyes. He left to go to the bathroom. Back by my bedside, calmed a bit, we started examining the planned date, but he wasn't there anymore. Where had he gone? Was this too much? Was the love he affirmed for my self-described half-woman self really more than he could muster?
Yes, yes, pressing presentations looming at work. Yes, yes, must take care of the animals at home. Yes, yes, yes, yes ... Watched a bit of a movie on our date. Fell asleep. Kiss kiss goodnight. Sleep well. Love you.
Then it was a Wednesday. That August 15 day. Time to go home. Coordinate my ride home around his presentations due at 10:00 and 10:45. So glad for the going/coming home! But, where is he? And now, where is she?
We pull into our sweet drive at the front of our sweet house just a couple of miles from the hospital. I am still groggy from the drugs, but not so groggy that I don't catch sight of a big orange cat on our front porch. Meeklo. The big orange cat who is a housecat. Not an outdoor guy at all. And he is on the front porch to greet us.
"Uh, Frank?" "Yeah, I'll tell you about that. Haha. Was going to tell you when the time was right." Entering the house I see a couch cushion resting against a wall. "Well, you see the dogs came in before I was ready for them. And I had to get the cats. And I closed the door and got the cats, but then Daisy the dog pushed the door open and muddied up the couch. And destroyed a pillow. While I was out of the room." Selah. "Honestly, Rhonda, the days did not flow well without you. Life was hard without your presence and your help. I was scared and feeling fear of loss like I have never felt. I couldn't concentrate. Things fell apart."
"Honestly, Frank, the hospital room was barren when you were not with me. I need you Frank. You give me strength and confidence and assurance. And I know you need me.We need each other. We are limping and incomplete without the other."
And we knew it in a new way that August 15. Another anniversary to celebrate.
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